No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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