remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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