I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
