I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
