It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
