Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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