So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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