Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
