I should be sponsored by Trojan
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
