Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
