I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
