Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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