do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
