That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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