So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
