what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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