my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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