guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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