Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
