I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize