Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
