apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
