Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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