remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
