Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
