I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
