at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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