okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
