...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
