Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
