You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
