Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
