What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize