just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
