i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
