First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
