maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize