i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ketchup is God's man juice
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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