i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize