I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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