dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
