I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
