i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
