I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
