I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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