Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize