put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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