sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
