The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
