I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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