Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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