My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we're so committed to being not committed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
