I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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