were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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