I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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