Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
