just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
