I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
