I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize