I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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