I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
