Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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