Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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