that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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