I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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