Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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